Letters to People #1

1:
I hate you. I hate the way you work, the way you tick. I hate how you attack me constantly. I hate you for everything you say to me. I'm a hypocrite in a sense, I know, but I just want to feel good about myself for once... You won't let me, though. Just let me be myself, let me trust in myself, let me believe that I'm beautiful - inside and out. Let me live my own fucking life.

2:
I can't believe you just up and dissed every little bit of me. Not just my body, but my own SELF. Every part of me, you had to go and say "isn't real," "doesn't exist for anyone," was a "lie," is "stupid" or "dumb" or "an exaggeration." I hate you so much, so, so much. I can't stand even your name anymore. And I thought we'd be best friends for as long as we talked... But no. And then you sent me that fake-as-all-hell "I'm sorry..." and I thought you honestly meant it. HA. What a fool I was! You turned around and did the same shitty thing all over again. I can't stand your fake, two-faced ass! You really make me upset. You were the "best friend" who "understood everything" and would "listen" to me. I should've known that that wasn't true when you totally blew off my confession about the past things that happened and went straight to your own sorry self.
Ugh, you piss me off!

3:
I want you to know that I love you, more than anything, but I feel like I'm constantly annoying you. It's almost never been something you said or did to make me believe that. It's always been me, me, me. I've always felt that I just bug the hell out of everyone, and I hate this feeling. I need to make this feel better before I can truly enjoy what we have with no limitations. But that doesn't mean I'm going to break up with you or anything again. I love you too much to hurt you that badly again. It's been four and a half years since the first time we started dating. I wish we had never taken that break, but it's my fault... All mine... I hate myself for that. I need you with me, near me, by me, living closer to me. You live 440 miles away, and I can't handle this "seeing each other once a year" thing anymore. You're going to be twenty early next year, and your dad is still an asshole about me. That's the wrong way around in the stereotypical world of "girl's father hates boyfriend, boyfriend's father just approves or disapproves." I mean, even my dad loves you. But your dad is an emotionally abusive douche who hates me and hurts you. I can't stand this anymore. I need you near me.. I miss you so terribly. And not being able to talk to you half of the time because of work and school? It tears me apart.
But now I'm getting off-topic. I just wish you could hear me tell you how everything I say that has ever hurt you has been based on me, NOT you. And the only reason I ever "doubt you" is because I'm truly doubting myself. I don't know how to tell you these things well enough.