I've been wondering lately...

...why did I ever stop? Why did I have to? It never drove me as crazy as the problems going on now, and these current problems are making me want to carve words into my legs. It's ridiculous 'cause I always hating cutting my legs. It hurts too much. (Granted, I still have a bunch of scars on them.) But I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I want to cut, I want to burn, I want to hurt.
But I can't do that to everyone... Ugh. I just... I don't know how to deal with this. I need help with it, but I don't know where to go for help. It's been long enough that I'm no longer using the coping skills for stopping, they just don't work anymore. I need coping skills for not starting again. I don't have any, really. Though I'm starting to wonder if it's really worth it...

Is it? Is this recovered state I'm in really worth it? I want to see bandages, gauze, medical tape... I want to see stitches, blood, blisters, bite marks, bruises... But I can't. I'm going insane trying not to do something. It hurts too much.

My chest is killing me. I need help, so badly...
I need the hospital. ]: